Before we get started! Want!Will…Won’t. is in reference to the desire matching charts that I’ve modified from a Yes, No, Maybe activity that’s been around … well I’m not really sure how long it’s been around. In any case, a Want!Will…Won’t. Chart is a way for you and your current partner (or you and a potential partner) to really hash out what you Want! to do sexually, what you Will… do sexually, and what you just Won’t do. Check out the Want!Will…Won’t. Chart Page for more information!
Now that I’m done plugging that, let’s get on to great kisses. This post will break down Why Kisses are Great, Strategy to Create Kissing Strategy, And Action Steps for Great Action!
Why Kisses are Great!
When we’re talking pleasure physiology (that’s a schmancy term for “what happens to your body when it gets turned on”) kisses are great because of all the wonderful nerve endings in your lips and mouth! Basically, after you’ve been staring longingly into the eyes of your boo (or staring longingly at the ass of that hottie rocking some major squats in the gym) your brain starts to get in aroused mode. When your brain gets into aroused mode, the blood flow in your body starts to redirect toward places that have lots of nerve endings.
Your lips and mouth have helllllla nerve endings, and so the blood definitely goes there! (Explains why your lips feel puffy after a make-out session, eh?) In any case, when you finally move in for the kiss (or when you finally ask that beautiful-assed hottie out and find an appropriate time to move in for this kiss) the nerve endings in your mouth are wayyyyy more sensitive than they would be when you’re not turned on. Which is why kissing feels goooood.
Now! If you move in for a kiss before you feel all horned up, kisses are also a great way to get that blood flow movement started! (Holler at that erection or vaginal lubrication after making out with someone for like 5 minutes, right?)
And! Kisses can also help you pick a mate. If someone has ever tasted “bad” to you, it could be because your genetic material is too similar to the person you’re smooching to make an evolutionarily sound progeny. (Straight up!)
So now that you know WHY kisses feel great, let’s talk about some strategy for great kissing.
Before I go through all of this, I just need to say that what kind of kissing you like depends on you, who you’re kissing, the context where the kiss is happening and a million other factors. I can’t tell you whether or not you should have soft lips, whether you should press hard or soft, where you should put your hands, whether to lead with tongue or anything along those lines. It’s too specific and e’rybody (pronounced eh-ree-body) is different. What I can do is give you some serious stuff to think about as you create your own strategies for great kisses!
Strategy for Creating Kissing Strategy: Before The Kiss
1. Think about whether or not your breath cleanliness matches.
If you’ve been eating garlic encrusted fermented sardines, smoking cigarettes, and ending your night with a keg-stand, your breath is going to be kickin’. This is actually okay if your partner did a keg stand while eating sardines and smoking cigarettes (they are soooo much more awesome than you).
If, however, your partner spent the night drinking mint-juleps (and rolling their eyes at your keg stand. Seriously, it’s Wednesday night), you may want to do what you can to freshen that breath.
Strategy for Creating Kissing Strategy: During the Kiss
2. Pay Attention to Your partner.
Kissing is a type of activity that is inherently like a team sport. And just like achieving glory in team sports, the chance of achieving true kissing glory is way less likely if one of you is trying to showboat or if one of you relies completely on the other to run the show. Paying attention to what’s going on with your partner, working with them, and making adjustments is key to a killer kiss! For example, if you jam a tongue down your partner’s throat and they gag and pull away, back off! If you jam a tongue down your partner’s throat and they moan and suck your tongue off … you’re probably okay!
3. Pay Attention to Breathing.
Often when the kissing is great, you can hear it in the way your partner is breathing. It might get heavier or quicker or more frantic, it might catch or sporadically stop. Regardless of what happens, if the kissing is getting good, it will most likely change. However, change in breathing can also portend boredom or dislike or indifference. For example, you’re totally mac’ing on your main squeeze and the breathing was all heavy and frantic and then all of sudden the person whose mouth is attached to yours just sounds like they’re breathing normally. Everything could be okay … but maybe you should:
4. Pay Attention to Body Language
Kissing is a close-contact kind of activity. In general, if a partner is snuggling up closer, pulling you into them, digging nails into your back, or engaging in any sort of activity that’s pulling you closer to them, it’s much more likely that you’re in great kiss territory. However, if they’re pulling away, pushing you away, or just kinda sitting there … it might be a reflection of what’s going on with the kiss.
5. Mix Up:
- The angle of your head
- How much or little tongue you’re using
- The firmness of your lips.
- How much or little tongue you’re allowing in your mouth.
- How wide your mouth is spread.
- How much saliva is being released.
- Where your hands are (or aren’t).
- The use of teeth.
- The speed of the kiss.
- The firmness of the kiss.
- Duration of individual kisses.
- Duration of lots of kisses (i.e. make-out session, holler!)
- You and your partners’ body positions (i.e. if you’ve been lying back for a long time, flip your partner over and get on top! Or move so that you’re side by side!)
Strategy for Creating Kissing Strategy: After The Kiss
Truth be told, you might be busy with other things directly after the kiss. So when I say ‘after the kiss’ I really mean, when you’re all done being sexual.
6. Check-In With Your Partner
Ask your partner if they remember anything that was particularly great or particularly awful. If they can’t remember anything specific on the awful side, that’s probably a good sign that you’re doing alright! However, to achieve greatness, you can always encourage them to try to remember the great stuff so that you can try to do it again! And asking for the bad stuff is also important. Because if your partner can tell you things like, “Dude, it was seriously whack when …,” you can make the effort to take whatever was whack out of your repertoire. Taking the deal-breakers out is definitely going to put you on the road toward great smooch status!
7. Check-In With Yourself
Try to remember when you were totally feeling what was going on, and times when you were like ‘meh’. Chat up your partner about those things.
Reality Check Time:
People get LOST in kisses. So if you feel like you caused a whack moment or your partner is eating your entire face (including your nose) and doesn’t seem to notice that you can’t breathe, cut yourself or your partner a little slack. Kissing is super intoxicating and even though with a little practice you'll have the capacity to be more conscious of what works and doesn’t, sometimes you just get lost in the kissing zone. Changing what you do as a kisser takes time, and it’s okay to make mistakes. Over time, you and your partner will hopefully be able to figure each other out so that you can explore new and exciting ways to keep your kissing game exciting!
Action Plan for Great Action!
So you’ve read a little bit about great kisses, now you need to know what to do next. I recommend any of the following:
If you’re currently single and ready to mingle:
- Go to websites that talk about great kissing and get some concrete techniques. Choose a few that you’ll use the next time you get to kiss someone! (Keep in mind that many of these sites are teaching you ONE way to kiss, even though they might tout it as ‘THE’ way to kiss.)
- Hit up a previous partner with whom you are on speaking terms and ask them (nicely) to talk to you about what is was like to kiss you. Get at least 2 pieces of information you can use to improve your kissing style.
If you already have someone picked out to make-out with:
- Go to websites that talk about great kissing with your partner, and discuss your thoughts on the concrete techniques provided. Choose and agree on 3 you’d like to use the next time you totally make out!
- Choose 1 of the 7 suggestions listed here and focus on it the next time you lock lips with your lovely. You can do this as a team, or you each can choose a different suggestion and try to guess which one the other one chose!
The Lazy Researcher: In order to help you get started with your web search, I did 1 Google search where I typed in “How to Be A Great Kisser.” I looked at the top 10 web hits, perused the material, and have the following to say:
The Best of the 10: Although I maintain that you can't dictate what someone does during a kiss, this site does do a pretty thorough job of explaining some pretty concrete techniques for kissing.
For the following sites, some concrete techniques are provided, but I would disregard all the “if you don’t do this you suck” nonsense (unless of course you agree. In which case ... carry on).
Please don’t get your sex information here:
And Finally: Random ways that people use sex to sell you cinnamon certs (you may actually get some techniques from this, but best believe the main intention of this site is not to help people).
And with that, I hope that you feel more prepared to get your kiss on!
Go Get Some!